Tangible.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m missing something. I don’t know what it is and in certain moments, I lose the clarity I thought I had such a firm grasp on. My original plan was to learn the rules, mechanics, and the beauty of English and go on to teach it in a foreign place where language would be loved and appreciated. Now I’m not as sure of what I want to do, but after 3 years of pursuing it and being so close, I might as well…right? I have a friend who majored in Business and went on to pursue another major in Psychology and now has a Masters in Art. He is balanced, composed, funny, and seems as if he has his life together despite the fact that his paths had been so off set and random. Though, I didn’t set myself up to judge so I cannot say he is truly comfortable with what he has. He just seems that way. Me? I want something tangible. Something I can see and touch, something that gives me JOY. I want to be proud of doing something. The hardest part is that I don’t know what that thing could be. I haven’t explored my talents, I don’t know if I even HAVE any talent. I’m certainly not gifted. I can’t play piano, I’m horrible at painting (not including my nails, of course) and I don’t have a “calling.” It’s not as if fifty percent of the population does either, though. I guess it’s just a yearning to do something special with my life. At this point, working four days a week with children who give me attitude and others who don’t appreciate hard work, it’s very difficult to feel emotionally stable. I want to be free for a little while and just think. I want to escape to some place where nobody knows me.
I just need Space.
